From best friends to coworkers you can barely stand, it can feel like you’re surrounded by people who met their mates on one. dating app.
But all the anecdotal evidence we’ve been collecting over the years since the apps launched, all the friends, acquaintances, and distant cousins who met the love of their life with a swipe. Have done – loved ones of their digital meat can make it feel Like the only way to meet your soulmate is online. But, this feeling is not a fact.
Don’t trust dating app stories
According to a YouGov survey on How the British meet their peers Published in September 2024, 8 percent of us met our current or most recent significant other on a dating app. To put that in perspective, this is less than those who met in the most common way, through friends (16 percent), and less than those who met through work (14 percent), or in passing (12 percent). But that’s even more than people who met through university or other higher education (5 percent), or a shared hobby (4 percent). Even when matched with those who met online, such as through a site OkCupid or the matchThe percentage of people who met their current or most recent partner digitally rises to 12 percent. Not insignificant, but not by a landslide by any means.
The American think tank Pew Research Center made a similar finding in its 2023 report involving 6,034 Americans. Only one in 10 adults who were in a committed relationship met their partner on a dating website or On an app, 30 percent of Americans have tried them at one point or another.
Why does it seem like everyone has met on a dating app?
Maybe we just think so App-based relationships are everywhere because they are still relatively new. Going from zero to zero, as YouGov has, is a big enough jump to make an impact of 8 percent over the years of searching dating apps. Or maybe, on some level, it’s still quite surprising when we hear about people who met on an app and are actually happy, so vaguely memorable. Or maybe it’s just a cliché that people have repeated so many times over the years that we’ve come to believe it. How many times have you said or heard something like: “Oh you meet Asafoetida? I swear everyone meets on an app these days”?
I was a big fan of dating apps when I was Single. I used them to meet people for most of my adult life. My mom met my beloved stepfather on the VA dating site 20 years ago, when you couldn’t add photos to your profile (imagine that!) so using apps felt so natural and normal to me when they came around.
Of course, why do I get something People hate them For things like gamifying the dating process, encouraging us to judge books by their covers, and facilitating scores. Immoral dating trends. But when I was younger, when dating was more of a hobby than a vocation, the benefits of interacting with tons of hot people while bypassing the doubt and anxiety of approaching them in real life were too big for me to ignore. I also met the man who became my husband on an app.
So yes, they can lead to something serious. Not as often as we have led ourselves to believe. And these falsely high expectations are making the dating scene feel even more hellish.
Mashable after dark
Hope Flynn, relationship expert and founder of the women’s self-empowerment community so what Calling dating apps “a mixed bag”: “I know a lot of people who have found real long-lasting relationships and even marriages through apps. But let’s be real, they can be frustrating. the ghostTrying to figure out if someone is being genuine or not, and a lot of conversations that just fall flat and go nowhere.”
Integrative counselor Amy Sutton, who focuses her clients on relationships, trauma and self-confidence, goes a little further, calling apps a “double-edged sword” and an “emotional rollercoaster” that some of us can enjoy. While others just want to turn it off. Sutton, A Counseling Directory Member, adds that their effectiveness depends on how each user defines success. If you just want some casual hookups, apps can be a goldmine. And if you’re looking for one, you never know, you might get lucky.
“But for others,” she tells me, “the process can be frustrating, depressing, and even traumatic. I’ve worked with clients who have developed chronic anxiety and low mood as a result of repeated experiences. Experienced as such the ghost, Bread crumbingand other dating app-related trends.”
And if you’ve put all your eggs in the dating app basket only to find that it’s not working as you hoped, it can suck your hope for the future. In its place, Flynn says, you’ll find exhaustion, pessimism and self-doubt. Not the best frame of mind for finding love, or for your mental health in general.
Sutton says her clients often feel “invisible” or “unloved” after missing the app. They wonder if there is something wrong with them because they shouldn’t be able to act the way they seem to other people. This makes them feel hopeless about the possibility of finding love anywhere.
“Dating fatigue People get so frustrated with the process that they either avoid dating altogether or engage half-heartedly,” she adds, “which perpetuates this sense of burnout. This can lead them to believe that they are simply destined to be single. It can also lead to the objectification of others – we stop seeing that there are real humans behind profiles and start ‘shopping’ for matches like we would a new pair of shoes. Our ability to form meaningful relationships that blossom over time is lost.”
Using dating apps as a string to ‘your dating bow’
If you want to keep using dating apps but also avoid this damaging avalanche effect from rolling in, Flynn recommends seeing apps as a string to your dating bow, not your way to meet someone. Instead of the one and only hope. Try to put yourself out there in real life too.
To do this, Flynn suggests working on making yourself more approachable and trying to be a little braver, even if you’re feeling shy. “Keeping a friendly and positive environment no matter where you are can really make a difference in how people respond to you,” she adds. IRL dating event has grown this year – likely because more people are sick of apps too – so find one in your area with social media or sites like Eventbrite.
“These platforms are a tool, not a magic solution.”
Sutton has similar advice, saying: “Be open and curious. Approach life with an open mind and you can start building your confidence to connect with others on all levels – whether they’re acquaintances, friends. Being, or having a potential partner. An event you might have said ‘no’ to or struck up a conversation at a local coffee shop, hope projects to be open to contact in the moment. Confidence and charisma that are very attractive can.”
And don’t feel like you have to stick with apps at all if you don’t like using them.
“These platforms are a tool,” explains Sutton, “not a magic solution. The swipe-based, algorithm-driven approach to love often reduces the human touch to something transactional. Remember, real love is intimacy, trust and connection. It’s about making. Things that take time, patience and often a little luck.”
